Thunder Magic is real. Though it doesn’t sound quite so powerful and evocative, Lightning Magic is even more real. Thunder Magic and Lightning Magic each are summoned by the earthly spectacle known to many if not all as thunderstorm. It is a spectacle you’d be a fool not to know of, and you may think me foolish for speaking of such obvious truths in such ridiculous terms. And also anyway, what the hell does any of this have to do with farming or whatever it is we aim to aid you in? Worry not, in the paragraphs that follow I will explain all.
Many gardeners are wary of the power of thunderstorms, and the damage that punishing rains and wind can impose on young plants, destroying nubile beauties of tender leaf and shallow root system with tearing, drowning, and dislocation. This is a legitimate fear, but as one must pass through the fire to find profound glory most true, so too young plants that undergo the tribulation of thunderstorms are far more adept and worldly than their weeny peers who have not seen the great floods.
In terms of beneficence there is most obviously the monstrous deluge that these plants receive. Your irrigation system will never compare with the inundation of water into the soil that a great storm provides. If you do not have raised beds, there is a danger in this, and flooding is not to be taken lightly. If you do have raised beds however, your young plant children will be given a once in a lifetime opportunity to extend their roots deep into the soil and claim all the nutrients hiding in the far reaches of their dirt-laden homes, and their roots will remain sturdy and strong for the rest of their days.
Now let us speak of Lightning Magic. Lightning holds a most potent power, without which plants accessibility to Nitrogen would be darn near impossible. Leguminous plants and Lightning are the only things in nature which have the power to make nitrogen available to plant life in the soil, through a process called Nitrogen fixing. I won’t weigh you down with the science but this short and entertaining video surely will.
Though fixed nitrogen remains in the soil for a time, if it is not used by plants the bonds it has made with other elements do break, and nitrogen in the soil all too soon becomes unavailable to plants all over again. Young plants present in the soil during Lightning Magic have unprecedented access to Nitrogen, the most essential element to plant growth, and thereby are crazy strong and powerful and large. VIP baby.
Thunder Magic is a bit more disreputable, but strong magic all the same that should be wielded with confidence and moderation (because you totally have ultimate control over the weather). Probably you have heard of ozone, the ozone layer, ozone producing chemicals, ozone destroying chemicals, bad things about ozone, good things about ozone. Generally speaking, we do not want ozone hanging out down here with us, we want it high in the sky saving us from dangerous interstellar radiation, meteors, and alien invaders. When it’s brought low in the atmosphere, mostly through terrible things humans do, it causes the greenhouse effect, makes breathing hard, and just generally kills. Thunderstorms bring ozone down to the lower stratosphere in very light but potentially effective doses. This sounds terrible yeah? Thunder Magic rains down, humans die, plants die, everything dies.
It is not so. Things that you want to die, die, with the the power of Thunder Magic. Thunderstorm induced ozone is anti-fungal and anti-microbial, and as such a very powerful organic and dare I say permacultural solution for dealing with myriad scourges that want to eat your plants alive. A good thunderstorm will damage the teeming populations of fungi and microbes that are notorious for killing young plants whose immune systems are still in their early stages of development. Too much ozone is terrible for all living things, but a light touch of the stuff from Thunder Magic is a glorious cure-all tonic for what ails your young children. It levels the playing field and makes the dirt safe for humanity’s foodstuffs.
So. Plant your babies in the calm before the storm. Those that survive, which will probably be all of them, will sing your praises and tell the story of their harrowing adventure and your magnanimous gift to them for all time. Until you eat them.
Ian writes these. Fearlessly.